Friday, April 24, 2020

Self Portrait - New Beginnings


New Beginnings 
My self-portrait takes the form of a ballgown. I wanted to do something that really expresses me, who I am and my abilities. It is a poufy ballgown of 40 yards of tulle adorned with pearls, flowers, and Swarovski crystals with a china lining underskirt with horsehair braiding. The corset is satin with a tulle overlay with poufy tulle sleeves with even more flowers, crystals, and pearls. There are hundreds of flowers and crystals on this dress. I had so many ideas for a fun photoshoot with this dress that I got too ahead of myself and just ended up doing an impromptu photoshoot in my room. Maybe in the future when it is safer to go back outside, I will do a proper photoshoot with an actual photographer. It took me about a week from start to finish with the gown. From stoning each flower with a crystal, to fighting with the huge amounts of tulle in my sewing machine. All in all, I had a really fun time as I do with all of my sewing projects. In some way I think about the process being a portrait in itself. Simply the act of doing. 
I created this work to emphasize the importance of representation. Growing up, I’ve always had an affinity for all things otherworldly and magical. And too often in movies and books, there were rarely any black people in the stories. How discouraging it is to a young black kid to see all these movies and never see people that looked them. Recently in Hollywood, things are switching up as black directors/artists are becoming more and more known and praised for their work.
I had this project on my mind for a very long time and I am happy that I finally got around to it. It truly is a reflection of all that I am. I named this gown “New Beginnings”, because when I originally sketched it was to be a homage to my resilience. My senior year of high school I spent the whole year being really sick, it was a dark and scary time for my family and I. It got to a point where one day I went to school, and I had to leave before the day even started and I ended my day getting emergency surgery. The recovery was long and hard, so making this gown was going to be my “New Beginnings”. Rise from the ashes, walk through fire piece. 
Fashion has played such a huge role in my life for as long as I can remember, from the little fashion shows I would put on for my family to my fashion magazine obsession in middle school, carrying the latest Vogue or Elle magazine in a designer bag hand me down from my mom. Even now as an introverted college student carrying her fashion design sketchbook with her wherever. Taking many mini trips to Halsey Fabrics. What a plus it is to go to a college that is literally a 5-minute walk to the store now. With me having gone in there so often since I was in high school, I have become more than acquainted with the staff and I would consider them family now. 
Elements that I’ve taken from the course for my portrait is the theme of “identity”. Who am I to myself? Who am I to others? Every time I step outside my home, I think who am I to the world? I couldn’t help but think about Chiamanda Ngozi Adiche during this assignment. In Fifteen Suggestions, she recommends ways on how to raise a baby girl. Being the only girl and the youngest at that, I have always felt this kind of over sheltering by parents, all in good intentions obviously to protect me. I often think how what my parents did for me was all with good hearted intentions. I would often get so angry when my older brothers could do this and could do that, and I had to be treated like a baby. My parents were only looking out for me. Raising a baby girl in this world can be one of hardest things a parent can face. A black baby girl at that. Black women are one the most oppressed groups in America. With this assignment I wanted to switch up the narratives and play around with the idea of the black experience. Black women are often negatively categorized, into these angry and “ghetto” beings. When honestly, we are just misunderstood. I want to bring attention to the many facets that black women are, quirky, soft, and hyper feminine black women do exist, and they are valid. #blackgirlmagic

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