My final project is entitled "All Eyes on ME." Like the exhibit, Private Live/Public Space, my self portrait will introduce you to my very private and innermost thoughts on this very public blog. As a disclaimer, I'm far from an artist and have no artistic muse or inspiration. The artwork was created out of my own personal depression. I suffer from PTSD and major depression in which I take medication for. Because of this ongoing coronavirus pandemic, my depression as warped in the darkest portions of my psyche. I created the project with the use of a white canvas, water-colored paint, a glue stick, and moveable eyeballs that I purchased from a craft store. The center of the painting is an illustration of the coronavirus itself. It is centered because it has become the center of the everyone's topic in the entire universe. It has become the center focus in my brain because it has affected every aspect of my life. It has caused me to lose my job and my college graduation. It has consumed every thought my head while triggering an anxiety that teeters on the brink of suicide. I painted the background blue to represent the universe. The cosmo spoke to me. I then used the glue stick to glue the the moveable eyeballs surrounding the image of the coronavirus. The reason I did that is because everybody is affected by the pandemic. Watching for the continuance of the spread. Watching the rapid number of fatalities. Watching the news and media for updated info. Watching for the peak, curve, and the flattening. Watching the effects of unemployment and the economy. Watching the clock for a vaccine or end of the global nightmare. "We are all in this together," says the everyone. "That's bullshit!," I say. The poor, lower class are more disenfranchised as ever. You need a car to get tested at the sites. They're not offering testing kits for people who live in HUD and Section 8 dwellings. They are not offering universal food stamp assistants for people who are starving Once again I'm not an artist. I don't possess any artistic abilities. I'm a writer who is depressed and wants to die. This is my personal manifesto to myself. I swear if COVID19 doesn't claim my life then my razor-blade will once it meets my wrist. The pandemic has taken my ability to think straight at times. It has drained my will to live. No job, no graduation, no future results in no life. Those eyes in my project are watching me constantly. They are awaiting my demise. The cabin fever maybe is clouding my judgment but maybe not. I try to rely on my faith but it draws me to the last chapter of the Bible, "Revelations." My revelation is that the world is coming to a dramatic close as we know it. Judgement day is upon us and I don't want to be around to see it. This is my self portrait because the picture in the middle of project has become me. This is my self portrait.
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