Final

Liannah Butler

Final Project

Artist Statement



My self-portrait is in the form of physical art. I created an origami styled box. Pasted on the outside of the box are all of the things that I feel people see me as on a surface level; however on the inside are pictures and symbols that depict who I am on a much deeper level. The inside of the box has pictures of all of the different qualities, personality traits, and thoughts, I have of myself internally. It is literally a map of who I am.

Coming to Rutgers-Newark has really challenged me a lot on almost every level including but not limited to an academic, spiritual, personal, mental and emotional level. Being forced to answer the question “Who Am I” was one of the first assignments that really pushed me further in my pursuit of finding myself as a woman. When I look at my box I can see all of the qualities others see in me such as the fact that I am goofy, strong, a person that likes to be comfortable / Tommy Girl,  I spend a lot of time in my own head, which is just a nice way of calling me unique. All of these are things that make me, my own individual but; again this is just me on a surface level. When the inside of the box is revealed it really gives people a peek into my mind. It shows the shadow of an afro-centric woman that has empowering words etched all over her body; these are words I try to remind myself, to say to myself. Then there are several symbols of peace, dreaming, and being a woman rooted in spirituality and intuition. This really reflects how intuitive I am, of myself and others. When I look at the different pictures and symbolism inside of my box, it is not only reminding me to stay true to myself but in a weird way it also helps to keep me grounded and recognize my growth. The last image I want to be sure to make mention of is the hidden woman tucked away in the crease of my box, when pulled out the woman is found to have scars and many bruises on her body. This is one of the reasons I love this box so much. It is because it really shows who I am; the good, the bad, and the ugly. Here is this beautiful box and this woman who appears to be perfectly fine, but once you see her fully you realize that she hides a lot of pain and trauma; that is me. I feel this box relates to my career path, dreams , and aspirations because I am an artist and video production is the one form of art that encompasses all other art forms. I love the fact that I was able to take still images, paste them on a box, and bring them to life; I was not only able to just tell “A” story, but I was able to tell “MY” story through images.




When I reflect on “Between The World And Me ” by Ta-Nehisi Coates, I found that it deeply resonates with me because; although it hones in on the many tribulations black men face it also talks about the personal struggles of the black community in general. It outlines the grim realities that we have faced in the past and in the present. I realized that a lot of the contents on both the outer surface and inner surface of my box, are a direct reflection of my life’s experiences. For example, when I look back at the book “Between The World And Me” Ta-Nehisi makes mention of how fear is the ruler of black people (I know he refers to boys but I am including both genders) and he spoke about how we all yearn for this American Dream that does not exist; at least not for us. I feel that looking at the outside of my box I have things like goofy,  the famous drawing from Spongebob of Mrs.Puff that has an arrow pointing to the words “big fat meanie” (not pictured sorry) and; I realize that these things are not just any pictures I found online and plastered onto a box, they each have meaning.



The goofy really symbolizes how I try to laugh through my pain and suffrage. Being black in America is already difficult but being a black woman is what I am most familiar with. For years I have watched as we have been subconsciously programmed to hate ourselves and one another. I have watched how black women personally are in competition with themselves, and are always pitted against one another. It's sad that we are always constantly trying to fix ourselves to fit the demands given by society, of what a beautiful woman is; we are always basing our worth off of the opinions and reactions of others. On a deeper level, it is really hard to think about all of the brutality and hate crimes done against black people. This has been going on for hundreds of years; there is so much trauma that my ancestors have never healed from and the following generations including my own, have carried it on their shoulders. How does one cope? I find myself always trying to find a reason to smile, laugh, or make others laugh; and although it seems like I am a cheerful, positive, happy camper, I recognize it is a defense mechanism. Laughter is food for my soul, it keeps me from crying when I really feel overwhelmed and tired. Tired of trying to live up to the standards of others, tired of unpacking emotions, tired of trying to "find myself as a woman" whatever that means. The picture of Mrs.Puff refers to the guard I have up against many people, it shows that I hate to be vulnerable. I never want to come off as the nice and kindhearted individual I really am because; I have watched for years how the “nice guy” always finishes last. I have seen how the people protesting for peace, anti-violent, and wearing a calm face have been beaten, murdered, and stomped on. I come off sometimes as rude or mean because I have a resting “you know what” face but that is only because I have always been taught told to guard my heart and never wear it on my sleeves (which is still hard at times). I have been through so many things in my life that now, I am afraid to let anyone in. My motto is, a person needs to earn the right to be able to see the nice side of me; it is another way of me saying you have to earn my trust.



The last two images I want to touch on are two that rests on the outer layer of my box. One is the young black girl staring into outer space, and the other is a black woman flexing her muscle. I related this back to the reading “Dear Ijeawele, or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions” by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. In this book she spoke about the pressures and roles placed on women. Although I make mention of some of those issues I just want to touch on a couple more. This book was honestly one of the first books I have ever read that really talks about the socialization of young black girls. I feel that society has always had this expectation that women are supposed to be submissive and obey the man of the house, stay inside and care for the children, and clean and cook. I want to point out how she stated she would make sure her daughter knew that her uncle can cook, and men can do the same thing women can d; this way when she is older she will know anyone telling her "that's a woman's job" will be considered foolish. I love how she encourages her future daughter to stand strong in who she is; which is one of the reasons I chose that image. On the contrary there are multiple meanings for my choice in that picture, the second being the expectations of black women; the notion that black women must always be strong. In my household, I was actually taught to never need a man for anything, to never depend on a man, and I was raised by a black man! I had my own father teaching me that as a woman I needed to be prepared to stand alone in this world and if a man is added, fine; but it is not necessary. Black women are raised to be independent and then told by the world to be submissive; we are told to be strong and in the same breath that we are too aggressive and masculine. Ngozi Adichie talked about surrounding her daughter with admirable women and people that could affirm and protect her from looking at herself with dissatisfaction, which I find extremely important because I never had that. There were many women in and out of my life being that I wasn’t raised by my mother but; none of these women could teach me about self-love because I watched them love a man more than themselves. I watched as many women I once loved were beaten, cheated on, and unhappy with themselves. I watched my grandmother be the strength of the family and carry that burden to her grave. It is important to be surrounded by level-minded women who are capable to guide and lead. This young lost girl on the outside of my box symbolizes me being in my head and just imagining how I can do better as a mom, sister, leader, and woman. I am striving to be the best version of myself that I can be.

Throughout this class we have been unpacking a lot of things that I can relate to. The readings and discussions have prompted me to acknowledge the traumas and issues I have dealt with in the past; they have pushed me further on my path of healing and recovery. When you look inside my box you still see pain, but you also see images of hope, confidence, empowerment, dreams and visions. In a weird way I am still kind of chasing the American Dream; the white house with a picket fence, the “Beaver Cleaver” structured home (except I work), I am still dreaming of a world where I can be free. This class has prompted to put more thought into how I will raise my own children; it helps me to have a better understanding of how I can help them unpack emotions they may experience. I know I have so much more unpacking to do but I am grateful for my experience thus far at Rutgers-Newark. I am also grateful for being challenge to heal and unpack my feelings so that in the years to come I have room to help my children through their struggles. I definitely send blessings to all and encourage everyone to self-reflect and unpack during this time.