Being There

For this self portrait, I had spent about a month constantly adapting and changing the portrait everyday up until the day prior to it being due. I wanted this project to be representative of the everchange flux of our time, class and lives; a testament to this current state.

This painting ended up a digital painting though, when it began it started a traditional drawing, adapted into a traditional painting, morphed into a digital drawing and finally into a completed digital painting. As an artist, I like to remember that every mark I make is a piece of my work regardless of whether it gets covered up or not down the road, each mark plays a part in the whole. Chance and experimentation gets me to where I want my work to be. I marked expressively on days when I needed to share my emotions, covered them back up when I felt like they didn’t represent myself anymore after a week, shifted styles completely when the dogmatic monotony of being kept inside working on the same thing over and over ate away at my creativity. 

Our time at the current moment is scary, filled with uncertainty, chance and change. Each day we are met with a new constant stream of information that contradicts itself and in itself is uncertain about the knowledge it is sharing. So while creating this piece I thought and kept the book “Being There” at the front of my mind.

The main thematic conflict of the story being situation vs. circumstance, quite a fitting theme for what we are all experiencing at the current moment. This parallel and juxtaposition is very fitting and correlates to our times today. Situation and circumstance at quick glance seem very similar but can be very different. Say you were stuck on an island during a harsh storm, you cannot control the weather or the fact that you are stuck on the island for the time being, that is circumstance. Though, what you chose to do, seek out shelter to ride out the storm to stay dry or warm or contact someone to come get you, that is something you can control, that is the situation. So today, we cannot control the fact that the pandemic is taking place, yes it is scary, different, a big change, BUT, what we can control is how we react, supporting those on the front lines, being a decent human being to those around us, staying inside to stop the spread and return ourselves back to a sense of normalcy.

I took this idea of situation vs. circumstance with my painting as well, took my frustrations with the circumstance we are thrusted within and adapted myself with different situations and different outlets to regain control of which I had no control over. So the marks I made, I could have smoothed them out, I could have rendered more, yet I wanted things to be seen, to have a glimpse into the evolution of this month long process.

“Being There” has so many parallels to today’s climate it is a bit uncanny. “... these are the factsL unemployment is approaching catastrophic proportions, unprecedented in this country; the market continues to fall toward 1929 levels; some of the largest and finest companies in our country have collapsed,” (88-89). Just the other day on the news, the news which is a constant loop yet at the same time a constant stream of uncertain facts and contradictions, I heard that our unemployment levels are reaching those of the Great Depression size as well as our falling markets are mimicking those of the market. As a student who will be graduating in a year, the fear of not having a job weighs heavy upon my shoulders as this information and these numbers cross screens. Will I have a job in the future? Will I be able to support myself? These questions loom over my head constantly everyday and have been for the past month. So it is with this fear I painted into my portrait, attempting to capture this overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety for the future yet, there is a sense of determination.

As an artist, it is our duty to be the ones to evoke feelings and a sense of change through the work we produce. Create a striking image that puts that fear, anxiety and determination into those who see. Yes, times are hard, things seem dark, but it is up to us to make the change to better ourselves not just for ourselves but for others as well. We need to keep people inside, prove to them and cry out that opening up is not the answer right now however hard corporate america wishes. Through art this is possible, through discussion this is possible, through us this is possible.