Letter to My Siblings

To Jordan, Jaden, and Anaiah








I hope this letter finds you all in good moods and good health. I am writing this letter in the year 2020, for you two open up either 20 years from now, or 20 minutes from now, either one works. I just want to tell you both a couple of things that you may or not be aware of yet.


The first thing I want you to do is to look around you. Right now. Look at your surroundings, then look beyond them, then keep going; everything in this life is attainable, even if the idea seems silly. If at some point you all decide that you want to abandon all of your worldly possessions and live in the mountains as monks for the rest of your life, then go for it! Go chase that spiritual and mental enlightenment! There really is no limit to what you can do in this life, so why not?


Actually, Mom might take up some issue with that, so it might be best to save that decision for when you’re eighteen. My point still stands, though.


The second thing I wish to tell you has to do with what you all want to be when you grow up. If becoming a monk is already set in stone, feel free to disregard this part.


If or when you decide to pursue a career, try not to let the desire for a high salary be the end-all be-all to choosing a profession. Someone once told me to try and combine what you’re good at with what you love.


I love music, and i’m pretty decent at writing, so bam! Music journalist.


Jaden, your drawings are honestly out of this world, and I hope that you continue to draw and sketch and doodle whenever you can. Maybe combine your interest in computers, drawing, and anime and turn the animation world on its head?


Jordan, considering the fact that you’re like 12 and can beat a bunch of twenty-somethings in Smash Bros is absolutely astounding. A career in professional gaming sounds cool!


Nai Nai, I could definitely see you as some sort of scientist, with how much you love making your own slime in your room!


These are just examples, of course, but my point is this: as long as you’re doing what you love, and you love what you do, you’ve made the right career choice, and no one can tell you otherwise.


My third point I cannot stress enough: before you go to college (should you choose to do so) or live on your own, LEARN TO COOK AND CLEAN. Please, for the love of everything decent! You’ll erase, like, sixty percent of the stress of being on your own if you know how to make your own food and do your own laundry. I’m not saying you have to be the next Ainsley Harriott, but at least learn the basics!


Pasta, water, boil, sauce, pan, simmer, done! Soap and warm water over the dishes, and boom! You’ve successfully cooked AND cleaned!


You think i’m being ridiculous until you’re away from home with an empty fridge and a sink full of dirty dishes. I’m speaking from experience. Trust me, you’re gonna need this.


My fourth point, and this may be one of my most important ones, is to try your best and be a good, genuine person. “Good” is a completely subjective term, but what I’m trying to say is basically what you both learned in school: treat others the way you wish to be treated. It honestly doesn’t get any more simple than that.


Just going through your life being an honest, genuine person will reward you handsomely in the long run. That means being considerate, empathetic, and kind to people, even when they may not do the same to you (but I’ll let you be the judge of whether those people deserve such luxuries or not).


My fifth and final point, and please take these last two to heart, is to feel free to take any of my pieces of advice with a grain of salt, if need be. Remember, I can’t force you to live your life the way I want you to, and neither can anyone else. If you decide you don’t want to go to college, that’s just as fine as deciding that you do! If you decide you don’t want to learn to cook and clean, that’s also perfectly fine!
A little gross, but still fine nonetheless!


If anything, I want you to know that life is one hundred percent what you choose to make of it. Do with that information what you will, just don’t kill anyone unless you reeeeeally have to.


Have fun!





With lots of love,





Nikasi Doorn

Self Portrait

For my self-portrait I decided to use two pictures that really show who I am and what I want to pursue as a career. Growing up I found it very easy to play sports and up until high school I wanted to work in the field of sports management. To this I compare the readings from Judith Howard’s research where she talks about identities coming from our surroundings objects, and our interactions with people. Growing up in a Hispanic household you’re surrounded by family members who are very passionate about soccer and all the friends I had were soccer players, so if you had asked me back then what I wanted to do with my life I would’ve easily said something in the field of sports. I had the all the support from my parents but as soon as I got to college, I had many doubts as to what I wanted to do with my life. Like many other students I was trying to find myself and truly do something that I loved and not something that was expected from my family or peers. In todays society its very easy to just lose yourself and let the opinions of others influence your life.

My 2^nd year of college I found my self taking an intro to video production class, only expecting to watch movies in class and maybe create two or three projects. I ended up falling for the art of cinematography and the creative process of editing. My parents however weren’t so happy when I told them that I wanted to pursue a career in this field. They would question how I much I would be making? They would recommend completely dropping out from college and maybe go to trade school. All the friends they seemed to had that went to trade school were making a lot more “money” than someone who majored in video production. In “Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions” I found that although it was about challenging gender roles and teaching self-reliance it also helps demonstrate how supportive parents should be of their kid no matter who they become.

As I progressed through semester without the support from my parents, I found that my close friends were really the only ones I could count on. We would meet up and film whatever we wanted. From “Private Lives, Public Spaces” exhibit I found that the home videos depicted all private lives and captured intimate moments of people’s lives and that’s something I hope to achieve and hopefully one day I can impress my parents with a film that will leave them speechless.

"The Last Straw"

For my self portrait, I have decided to use acrylic paint on a canvas to capture my bottled up feelings during this pandemic. This painting is titled “The Last Straw”. I chose this title, because it shows what happens when you get overwhelmed in your thoughts. A woman was breathing fire onto Earth. I painted this in a state of anxiety and distraught. When I first showed this portrait to my best friend through Facetime, she asked me “Is that mother nature?” Personally I like my art to speak for itself so I like to get feedback and see what others get out of my work.. However, my portrait was really meant to symbolize my current mood at the time I was painting it. I felt hopeless. Being that none of us have seen such a virus affect our country in this way, most of us do not know the right precautions to maintain a good mental health. I had no idea how to properly cope with the fact that I had to live in a bubble without any means of knowing the end date of this chaos. In 2017, I started painting as a way to express myself. Later it became a healthy coping mechanism for me.

 In beginning my process to create “The Last Straw”, I painted the entire canvas black and added white dots to imitate the Solar System. Before going any further, I had no idea what I wanted to paint, so I just painted what I felt. Once I let the background dry, I began to paint to the profile of a woman with a small fro. That woman is me. I painted her blue to embody sadness and added blood red tears to show pain. One of my biggest influences in Modern Art is Frida Kahlo, because she has inspired me to express myself through my creativity.

 I created this portrait mainly to release my anxiety regarding the pandemic. After I finished, I could my current feelings looking back at me in picture form. I rarely use actual skin tones when painting people, because I like their emotions to show through the color I choose to paint them.

Self Portrait - video

 Jeffrey Figlar

ACM

April 30,2020

Final Project – Self Portrait Link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I84wDx9iwSo

artist statment

Artist Statement

For my Self Portrait, I’ve decided to record a video as my assignment. I just recently received an Adult electric scooter for my birthday and have been using it to get out of the house and to self-reflect during this pandemic. I would like you to think of it as if you went for a run and or bike ride, and or just need a moment to enjoy nature and life. During this terrible pandemic, society has completely shut down and for the last month, everything has been on halt. The scooter is something I’ve wanted for a while now and when I received it from my wonderful girlfriend, which so happened to be at the beginning of the quarantined (perfect timing) it immediately gave me an instant new hobby. Even though it sucks not being able to see my friends or family, this new scooter was a new shining light, a new reason to get outside. I’ve finally got to take it out and drive it around, and from that first kick push to start the engine I glided down the street in pure enjoyment. I was immediately obsessed; I rode it for 3 hours straight (until it died). I told everyone I knew they needed to get one, and some did and were all hoping to ride together after this pandemic, but until then it’s just myself, my scooter, and my face mask, until better times of course. Also, I know that may sound sad, but this is an uplifting video, this is a video I hope inspires anyone to get out and make the best of a crappy situation. In all, I want to show how I am having some fun getting out but practicing self-distancing and respecting people’s space. I hope my steps can inspire you to find a new hobby and or even purchase a scooter lol, but either way please find some self-happiness during this dark time.

Final Project : My Self Portrait

Eric Morales

CLQM Art Cult & Med

Professor Cacoilo

24 April 2020

My Self Portrait

My self portrait represents the characteristics of hard work and determination. This can link with other key characteristics such as perseverance, compassion, and self motivation. For me, I’ve always been a hard worker from the start. Being an only child my parents taught me discipline and what the real world was like at a young age. In order to get the things that I wanted, I would have to show my parents good grades because they were really strict with it. It has made me the man I am today and I will be forever grateful. As of now my main focus and goal for this year is to provide for my family and to improve on myself. During this quarantine I am helping my parents around the house and just relaxing with one another. My main passion is bodybuilding and improving on my body everyday. Unfortunately during this pandemic the gym is closed and I do not have weights to work with so that resulted in me turning my usual workouts into home workouts. It’s a struggle from going to the gym everyday to staying home indefinitely. Most people would stop working out during this time but I wanted to keep improving and took it upon myself to do so. The benefit to this quarantine is that I can’t eat any more cheat meals for my diet more than I usually do. I know I’m not the only one dealing with hardships during the pandemic; however, I want people to never lose hope and to stay driven everyday to complete any task they have put in front of them. Ta-Neshisi Coates’ struggles and adversities living in the United States as a African American creates a connection with me because of the hardships and struggles that my family and I are dealing with during this pandemic. I made this connection even though I am not African American because of the struggles that I am dealing with now during the pandemic occurring. I had lost my grandma last month in the hospital in Portugal and my family and I couldn’t travel over there because of the virus. So it brought me down and I was torn up from it that I couldn’t be there; however, I know that my grandma would want me to be strong and to keep pushing to be better no matter what. The beginning of this year has been the most challenging year of my life; however, I'm focusing on ending the year strong. I just want everyone to know that this year will get better and to stay strong during these times.

A self-portrait

My version of "right to protest" by Joelius Dubois and "A Cathartic Release" by Ladon Alex








In such a difficult time in our history, it is easy for us to lose our way. Mother Nature is undergoing a hard reset, and all of her children have been brought along for the wild ride. The key, I’ve heard, is to remain strongly rooted in your identity and your footing in the world. SZA’s mother also taught me that embracing the unknown can offer a sense of comfort.


With my self-portrait, I chose to stray away from the traditional and superficial concept of the


“self-portrait” and provide a more in-depth portrait of who I am as a person.












My version of "We Kick Racists in the Mouth" by Ladon Alex and "tears for negroes" by Joelius Dubois






To begin, I have a growing interest in art, especially younger, more unknown artists. Two of my favorite artists right now happen to be Joelius Dubois, a 19 year-old digital artist from Columbus, Ohio, and Ladon Alex, a 21 year-old digital artist from Arkansas. Both Dubois and Alex’s art effectively capture the raw spirit of a black youth refusing to stay silent in a rich, white man’s world.


One of Dubois’s pieces, “right to complain”, depicts a black youth using his trumpet to tell the world what he truly thinks of it. The music-lover in me instantly fell in love with the idea and decided to make this project a little self-serving. For one part of my project, I combined the image with a piece of Ladon Alex’s, called “A Cathartic Release”, which shows a being sporting a large hole in its back, as if a new being has emerged from the discarded skin like a butterfly leaving a cocoon. My version of these two images has the "spirit" of the trumpet player emerging from the back of the husk, my representation of black youth’s voices refusing to be ignored. A quote from Jill Tarter's interview with Krista Tippett sums up the rebellious nature of the rebellious energy of the painting in six words: “You never have to grow up.”










"A Cathartic Release" by Ladon Alex




Another piece of Dubois’s, “tears for negroes”, shows a black woman in her Sunday best, shedding tears, a sight all-too powerful in our country’s history. I took that image and combined it with a piece by Ladon Alex that has a much different energy than Dubois’s. Alex’s “We Kick Racists in the Mouth” is a piece whose message is abundantly clear, and I felt a connection between the two pieces. In my second installment, I had these two polarizing raw, black female energies next to each other, with the violent, justice-hungry black girl acting as more of an idea in the head of the black woman crying in the real world. I did this to represent the concept of black women being forced to keep their emotions in check in society, in fear of being labeled. I also selfishly interpreted this image as an overall rejection of gender norms and accompanied the image with a quote by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie that explores this idea of censorship.









"We Kick Racists in the Mouth" by Ladon Alex





A little fun fact about me, I fully believe that we, ‘we’ being everyone on the planet, have the potential to make this world a paradise if we all treated each other with genuine love, empathy, and respect (at the very least). I also like to listen to music from time to time. That being said, I believe that showing empathy in a time where we all need to stand together as a family is definitely a step in the right direction towards healing the wound on our planet.










"right to protest" by Joelius Dubois





Growing up in a society where racism is alive, but still low-key enough that major action has not taken place, I am genuinely concerned for our planet’s future and how certain groups of people have been treated since this pandemic started. This project was admittedly a long shot, as I have no prior experience in creating digital art, but I had intended to use two pieces of art completely independent of each other, and form them into certain ideas that I took away from this class.









"tears for negroes" by Joelius Dubois

Self Portrait: HER

Britley Blessitt

Final: HER Artist Statement

My self-portrait is a combination of everything that describes me and features spoken poetry. When I was two years old, I was diagnosed with amblyopia and soon had to wear eye patches. I hated wearing my eye patch, I would feel like the female version of Captain Hook. I would have to wear one patch growing up so I would be forced to use and strengthen my weaker eye. I never wanted eye surgery to correct my eyes because I was scared the operation would go wrong. But more importantly I reached a point in my life where I stopped caring about it. One eye is bigger than the other and one eye is lazy. Most of my childhood, I went to church almost every Sunday with my mom and older siblings. One thing I learned for sure is that God will love you no matter who you are or what you have done. Because of my eyes, growing up, people would look through me instead of directly at me. I had to learn how to wear invisible earplugs that would tune out their hate and negativity.  When I had finally learned how to walk, my parents noticed that I walked with my right foot inward. This would lead to shoe insoles and the inability of wearing high heels. When I was four years old, I used to shake at times so I was wrapped in white cloth that smelled like kofal and put on a seizure watch. In a medium size room, I watched, bandaged up, as my parents and doctors waited on the other side to record my movements. After 48 hours I was released and nothing major was found that would cause a permanent stay at the hospital. I was not a premature baby however I was told that I have low muscle tone. Growing up, I was also viewed differently because of my weight. People would look at me and ask “Are you bulimic” or “Why are you so anorexic?” I received such ignorant comments all because I happened to have a fast metabolism. However, I did not let what I had experienced stop me. I found love and I found love in myself. I smile it off and love myself harder than the day before. My smile is one of my favorite features about myself. My smile uplifts me every single day, that’s why it was so important to have in my video. Once I started loving myself completely, my life had become so much brighter and fulfilling. I found a way to also express myself with the use of poetry. I love to write and read poetry. A few of my favorite poets are Maya Angelou, Walt Whitman, William Shakespeare, and Emily Dickinson. I was truly able to formulate my self portrait by listening to Indie Arie. I love her soulful, soothing, passionate and empowering voice. She is one of my favorite artists that I constantly listen to. Her song “Video” is inspiring because it represents self-awareness, self-confidence and self love. 

When viewing my self-portrait, you may wonder why I have other people in my video. I truly feel I would not be the woman I am today with those people. I would also not be here if it was not for my parents. I am myself and they are all a part of that “self”. In a poem I once wrote, I described my family as the players in the game of chess. My dad would be the king, my mom is the queen, my brother is the knight and my sister is the bishop. When I started at college, I met my closest, best friends and they have taught me so many important lessons. I also love all the random chill hangouts and the best food dates a girl could ever ask for. This video means the world to me because I have pictures of me where I’m happy and loving what I see. When I was younger, I used to hate looking in the mirror and taking pictures.  I reference my work to Judith Howard’s research and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s Feminist Manifesto. Howard describes that our identities come from our surroundings, objects, and our interactions. She also wrote how identities are constantly evolving and expanding. I am growing everyday and I can’t wait to see the woman that I will become. In Adichie’s suggestions, she explained how important it is to have a sense of identity and understand your culture. Over the years, I have learned to truly accept, understand, and love myself. Honestly to me, that is the best gift that I could ever have. 

A quick video I made

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3YaY5gFrWIs

Here's a quick video I made.

Headshots of Pain

We are greeted every morning with our own self-portrait when we see our reflection in the bathroom mirror. What people don’t realize is that a mirror captures our self-portraits of our emotions every single day. It’s a mental snap shot of who we are that day on that moment. Have you ever laughed at yourself when you wake up and you’re struck by the tornado of hairs swirling above your head? You smile. It’s the first mental self portrait of yourself of the day. When you come back from battling the outside world, you take a quick glimpse of yourself. Do you see the exhaustion on your face? I always do.  

In 2019, I had many mental snapshots of my reflection in my head. Those snapshots are of my face crying, red, eyes swollen, sad as if my forehead was tattooed the word “sorrow defeated crazy”. My mental health declined immensely at the end of my relationship with my ex-partner. I would look in the mirror every day and would try to convince myself that I was happy and ready to marry my so-called soulmate but in reality, I was drowning in frustration, stress and heartbreak. The moments of love and acts of service of kindness from him was his main prop in his award-winning performance when gaslighting me. The person I learned to trust selflessly began orchestrate my mental breakdown. During this time, I did seek professional health and with his ‘support’, he made me feel that everything was wrong with me. I was losing myself. One day, he orchestrated a fight so intense that I checked myself into rehab. I was alone. He orchestrated a toxic fight that lead me to check myself into rehab. 

 During that time, I would look at myself in the mirror and those mental snapshots of my face reflecting my defeated heart was not only heartbreaking but mentally and emotionally, I died inside.  

Once discharged, I went back, packed 2 bags and never looked back ever again. The separation caused the deepest depression. Not to feel worthy to live or to be loved is what leads so many people in different ages to commit suicide. Not only did he ruin my mental health, but he made sure I was extremely alone during this time. He separated me from my family, my siblings, all of my friends and without me realizing I was being ‘quarantined’ for years and he managed to isolate me with loads of “love’. Love is truly blind.  

During this grieving time, I wouldn’t look at my reflection. I wouldn’t take pictures. My soul died in a living body. Through treatment and religiously going to therapy, I began to see the light at the end of the tunnel within 6 months. The transition to get myself out of depression is an experience that will always be part of my identity, part of the woman I am today.  

It’s been 16 months since I’ve last seen my abuser. It’s been 16 months of mental rebirth. I remember the mental snapshots of myself every morning when I just wanted to punch the mirror because I did not know who I was. I was so mentally brainwashed by what HE made me believe who I thought I was. When they say, “get help”, it’s not because ‘you’re crazy’, it’s for you, me, understand why we react a certain way and why we feel a certain way. You learn about your triggers to what brings you to your highs and lows. Seeking professional help saved my life because it wasn’t me, it wasn’t just in my head – I was actually a victim of the worse mental abuse and I survived.  

Today, I look at myself in the mirror, I love my face I love my mind and my soul. I have not felt like myself in 5 years. I’ve given so much love to others and to myself that the inner child in me is hugging my leg and feels safe. The experience molded me to become a warrior for those who continuously get mentally brainwashed and manipulated.  

This selfie is for all of my friends in rehab, for my therapists, for my psychiatrist and for my heart.  We did it.  

I decided to show my journey through the youthful trend in today’s social media society called Tik Tok. I believe that addressing issues such as mental illness, domestic abuse, and cultural issues through innovative technology is a form of influencing today’s society. There is no blueprint to life however, we can use our life lessons and technology to help others identify themselves and get help.  

The app was not difficult to adjust and edit – the challenging part of this project is reflecting back through self-portraits of the past because who I was a few years ago isn’t the person I am today.  

Self-Portrait

              For my self-portrait I decided to really look at myself and ask, “who am I?” This is a question that I often still struggle with till this day since I am an immigrant struggling with trying to keep my foot in between two worlds. It seems like yesterday that I was still an introverted young boy who never had gotten a haircut or trimmed the little amount of facial hair that he had. I am from Punjab and most of the people over there practice a religion called Sikhism. In this religion we follow certain traditions and one of them is that a baptized Sikh does not cut his hair or trim his facial hair. We then cover our heads by wearing turbans. For the majority of my life I used to be the same way. Even after coming to America at three years old I still stayed true to this religion for over a decade.

              It was not until I was about 15-16 years old that I began to ask myself questions internally that related to my identity and who I was as a person. A few years after that I decided to cut off all that hair that I had been growing for 16 years and really try to find myself. I did not even know if doing it was the right thing or not, but I knew keeping it further would just feel wrong if I did not have my heart fully in it. There is a decent sized sikh community in New Jersey and we are all pretty close. We know each other’s families well. I knew cutting my air, although a meaningless formality in American standards, was a big thing in our culture and would impact how I was viewed by the others in the community as well. I knew even my family would be taken aback at first and be against it. Nevertheless, I continued with what I believed to be best for me and I broke away from traditions that I had known for all my life.

              Flash forward a few years and everything is now as normal as it could be. Life moved on and although the initial shock was very impactful to most, I still decided to move on with my life. The sikh community understands that I still am who I was before and for the most part, realize it would be dumb to look at me differently. But sometimes I just sit and wonder, am I still who I was before? Evolution is a part of life and we all have to adapt in order to survive, but how much would be different if I did not go through with it. The biggest thing that even my family was worried about when I told them my intentions was that I would change more than just my appearance. They were afraid that it would go to my head and that I would become a whole different person. Sometimes I wonder if I have become someone completely different.

              The novel “Between the World and Me” by Ta-Nehisi Coates is a book that really stuck with me when I originally read it about a year ago because identity is something that I have struggled with for a while. Being someone who wore a turban was hard enough in America, but when mixing that with the fact that I moved to America a little after September 11^th 2001 made it even harder. The country was in disarray and it made it even harder to fit in without looking like an outsider. Coates’ novel talking to his son about finding himself and helping him try to find himself in America in s topic that not only caught my eye, but also hit home for me as well.

              For my self portrait I decided to take two pictures and combine them into one. One picture is of me with a haircut and the other is of me with a turban on. This represents who I am, not only to the world but myself as well. Although I decided to stray away from certain traditions from my culture, it was actually this separation that made love some more things about it. The extra space that I gave myself from those traditions helped invigorate my love for them. Also, growing up a certain way obviously affects what kind of person you become as an adult. It’s hard to find yourself in this world that always tries to push you to be someone you are not, but that is what makes it so much more fulfilling when you actually find yourself.

Self Portrait

For my self portrait I decided to do a multipart drawing in a more literal sense of a self portrait. Everything was done on an 18 x 24 sized paper. I started by doing a self portrait in charcoal and pencil, adding as much detail to my face to mimic the lighting I was in. I also used both a selfie from the angle I was sitting in as well as the mirror in front of me. This one took a bit of time because I kept needing to erase and redraw but, I really like how it turned out.

The next parts were a both simple and slightly difficult process. I took some tracing paper and used resources online to find a skeleton, using the tracing paper to then draw out my skeleton. It's a bit rougher but it does add a different touch compared to a regular portrait. I did the same afterwards with muscle layout and trying to properly draw out where each muscle was along the skull and shoulders. It was a much stranger experience because it required the use of both the skeleton drawing and the full portrait drawing. But, it turned out just as good as I hoped it would.

The last part was a more fun project, doing the same with an overlay of all of them being used to draw out a Zombie. I had this idea because of the episode of "Project Blue Book” we watched recently. It showed me, in a way, that everything isn't as it seems. Anything can crumble before us and anything unexpected can happen, like a zombie apocalypse. It’s an idea that seems a bit nihilistic, but unexpected events aren’t always so bad. There have been times where unexpected hand movements while I was drawing turned out to be better than I expected. Or that an unexpected trip with some friends turned out to be a much better time than I thought it would.

Overall, these self portraits also show that I have a strive to be detailed in the best of my ability. In recent years my drawing skills and my detailing skills have gotten much better, both of which are important to me as an aspiring artist. The fibers of the muscles, the shadows on my face and skeleton because of the lighting, the loss of tissue and what is under the skin. All of it is important to me when I draw. I also did these because I wanted to claim myself and identify myself simply as a human. And while I would also like to have added more about my identity, I felt like this was a much more ideal way to do so. Especially with the outbreak and isolation in recent weeks, I felt it was best to not identify myself as an individual, but to identify myself with the whole of humanity.

Self Portrait

 When it came to the Self-Portrait concept, I knew I wanted to draw something. Drawing is a hobby of mine that’s been around with me for a while, but it’s one that’s incredibly tricky for me to get a better understanding of and it’s an area that I want to improve in as much as I can. I took this Final almost like a challenge to see if my years of doodling have somewhat improved or not and while I feel like I rushed myself to complete it, I can’t help but feel satisfied with the end result.

The Final wanted us to create something that showed a reflection of who we are and while I knew what I wanted to do, it was pretty difficult to figure out how to execute it. I wanted to draw a collage of characters and icons from various mediums that have stuck around with me for as long as I can remember. On a number of occasions, I’ve found myself doodling some of  these characters during some of the less thrilling moments of work and school. So I thought it would be fitting if they were drawn as a part of my brain, considering they’re always on my mind. Each of the characters and logos played a big role in my life, influencing how I spent my time growing up, forging friendships and bonds I still have to this day, and inspiring me to pursue goals I’ve made during my childhood.

Front and center is Goku from Dragonball Z, arguably the most influential character in my head. The show to this day shares some of my fondest memories with my friends and family, as we all have a soft spot for the incredibly over-the-top action it provides. The bottom left sees Scorpion from the videogame, Mortal Kombat. I discovered the game back in 2011 when it was getting rebooted and was my main introduction to the fighting game genre. When I first played it, I couldn’t help but fall in love with all the characters and the stories behind them, cementing my status as a fan of the series and a fan of the genre itself. Not only that, but 2011 was also the year I discovered the Merc with a Mouth, Deadpool. My older brother and I would play an old Superhero video game, Marvel Ultimate Alliance and he would always have Deadpool as one of our teammates. He was always fun to play with and was always hilarious when he got to talking. From then, I instantly became a fan and did my best to see what other mediums he was a part of, whether it was comic books, video games, or even cartoons.

Although the other characters and logos aren’t as present as the others, they still play a huge role in my life and helped shape my identity. A Femminist Manifesto tackled this concept of identity and its importance in forging the next generation. Growing up, a majority of the things I liked, such as cartoons and wrestling action figures, came into question with my father. A number of times he’d want me to get rid of those things and start looking into some of his favorite hobbies, like cars and baseball. As a little kid, I tried my hardest to connect with him in that route, but it just wouldn’t stick with me. I felt as if my father wanted me to grow up sooner than I should, and I felt ashamed at times that I wasn’t able to. Looking back at the book however, it made me realize how common this was and how people want to create an identity off an already existing one. I believe my father wanted me to “grow up” as soon as possible, to be more like him in a way. Even though I’m NOWHERE near becoming a parent, this isn’t the preferred method of parent bonding. In my letter, I wanted to let my future child know that regardless of their interests, I want to be there every step of the way with them and help them improve in whatever field they want to excelle in. Identity is important and I want to be alongside my kids when they discover themselves.

Self Portrait - New Beginnings

New Beginnings 

My self-portrait takes the form of a ballgown. I wanted to do something that really expresses me, who I am and my abilities. It is a poufy ballgown of 40 yards of tulle adorned with pearls, flowers, and Swarovski crystals with a china lining underskirt with horsehair braiding. The corset is satin with a tulle overlay with poufy tulle sleeves with even more flowers, crystals, and pearls. There are hundreds of flowers and crystals on this dress. I had so many ideas for a fun photoshoot with this dress that I got too ahead of myself and just ended up doing an impromptu photoshoot in my room. Maybe in the future when it is safer to go back outside, I will do a proper photoshoot with an actual photographer. It took me about a week from start to finish with the gown. From stoning each flower with a crystal, to fighting with the huge amounts of tulle in my sewing machine. All in all, I had a really fun time as I do with all of my sewing projects. In some way I think about the process being a portrait in itself. Simply the act of doing. 

I created this work to emphasize the importance of representation. Growing up, I’ve always had an affinity for all things otherworldly and magical. And too often in movies and books, there were rarely any black people in the stories. How discouraging it is to a young black kid to see all these movies and never see people that looked them. Recently in Hollywood, things are switching up as black directors/artists are becoming more and more known and praised for their work.

I had this project on my mind for a very long time and I am happy that I finally got around to it. It truly is a reflection of all that I am. I named this gown “New Beginnings”, because when I originally sketched it was to be a homage to my resilience. My senior year of high school I spent the whole year being really sick, it was a dark and scary time for my family and I. It got to a point where one day I went to school, and I had to leave before the day even started and I ended my day getting emergency surgery. The recovery was long and hard, so making this gown was going to be my “New Beginnings”. Rise from the ashes, walk through fire piece. 

Fashion has played such a huge role in my life for as long as I can remember, from the little fashion shows I would put on for my family to my fashion magazine obsession in middle school, carrying the latest Vogue or Elle magazine in a designer bag hand me down from my mom. Even now as an introverted college student carrying her fashion design sketchbook with her wherever. Taking many mini trips to Halsey Fabrics. What a plus it is to go to a college that is literally a 5-minute walk to the store now. With me having gone in there so often since I was in high school, I have become more than acquainted with the staff and I would consider them family now. 

Elements that I’ve taken from the course for my portrait is the theme of “identity”. Who am I to myself? Who am I to others? Every time I step outside my home, I think who am I to the world? I couldn’t help but think about Chiamanda Ngozi Adiche during this assignment. In Fifteen Suggestions, she recommends ways on how to raise a baby girl. Being the only girl and the youngest at that, I have always felt this kind of over sheltering by parents, all in good intentions obviously to protect me. I often think how what my parents did for me was all with good hearted intentions. I would often get so angry when my older brothers could do this and could do that, and I had to be treated like a baby. My parents were only looking out for me. Raising a baby girl in this world can be one of hardest things a parent can face. A black baby girl at that. Black women are one the most oppressed groups in America. With this assignment I wanted to switch up the narratives and play around with the idea of the black experience. Black women are often negatively categorized, into these angry and “ghetto” beings. When honestly, we are just misunderstood. I want to bring attention to the many facets that black women are, quirky, soft, and hyper feminine black women do exist, and they are valid. #blackgirlmagic